Lost, or was that stranded?
by HouseAddict
Summary: When the team is stranded in the Hospital House decides to have some fun. PARODY.
1. Could it be a Prologue?

**Disclaimer:** Its mine! all mine! oh wait no its not.  
**Parings:** remain unknown, but there might be a bit of everything.  
**Rating:** There might be some strong contents later on. But Id say 15+  
**Spoilers:** I might reference things going on in season 3.  
**A/N:** This fic is a parody, It is in no way to be taken seriously, and it might for the most part make no sense.  
I don't promise that the next chapters will be anything as glorious as the start and I don't even know if Ill finish it as I usually don't get to the ends of fics. But I hope you enjoy anyhow. And some laughs wont be to bad.**  
**

**Could it be a Prologue?  
**

It was a great day at Princeton Plainsboro until the power cut occurred and all in side were stuck. Yes that's right, stuck. The ever so cleverly electronic doors fail to open with no electricity, that's where the electronic part fits in there name you see. Of course in utter despair House tried to shatter the trendy glass doors but alas, they are double glazed and he was to be left with an aching shoulder to go with that limping leg.

But what does he care really? He has drugs in hands reach, two damsels in distress so obviously wanting him (that would be Cameron and Cuddy I am referring too) and if he decided to go the other way there was always Wilson. And Chase was really pretty.

All in all he was locked as king of the castle and everyone other than him was of course a dirty rascal. Because this was the land of House and it was about time he had some fun to go with all that cutting edge Drama.

And with the infamous smirk back across his lips he wondered, "Where oh where shall I start?"


	2. First rule of House Land: Pill Popping

**First rule of House land: Pill Popping. **

There are quite a few things our dear cripple enjoys, apart from solving puzzles and saving lives, having a deep discussion about Cuddy's underwear, he, like any good drug addict enjoys getting high. So over to the now conveniently empty pharmacy he limped, jumped over the desk and started his search.

"What do you think your doing?" came the voice of the bossy one.

"Being a kid in a candy shop of course" he grinned.

"Oh okay then, let me just ignore the fact that this is illegal" she answered sarcastically.

"Thanks, I knew you'd come through" he smiled at her sheepishly as he found a bottle of pills that suited his wild party wishes.

"Give me that!" Cuddy spat leaning towards him so her breasts were practically spilling out.

House stared at the pair and said "give me your bra and Ill give you the pills"

"I think not!" she said straightening with her hands across her chest.

"Oh come on, you know you want too!"

"Well…"

And with that, he grabbed her bra in a miraculous maneuver which is humanly impossible, drowned a couple of the pills and started running for it, and don't ask me how the hell he can run but he has been said to be god you know.

"You come back here you…!" Cuddy screamed after him.

But he was already out of sight waving her bra and yelling "I have Cuddy's bra!"

House was still running down the hall waving Cuddy's bra when a slight nausea from the pills he had so coolly dry-swallowed earlier took over him. He sat down in the hall against the wall to catch his breath.

_ xxxxxxxxx_

"House are you… WHOS IS THAT BRA?!" it was the caring Cameron who became not-so-caring to say the least once she spotted the bra in his hand.

"Its Cuddy's, I stole it off her" he replied with pride.

"You, you had SEX WITH CUDDY?!?" the love sick Puppy had turned into a damn scary pit-bull by now. "You had SEX WITH CUDDY?!?" She repeated herself.

"Relax! We didn't do anything" he smiled and mumbled iyet/i under his breath. "Besides there is enough of me to go around" he smirked, puffing up is oh-so-sexy chest.

"I won't share you! You are MINE!" her words echoed as she puffed and placed her hands on her hips. She was possessed.

"Don't worry Honey, Ill save myself for you" He winked at her twice and got up (making sure Cuddy's bra was still in hand). "See you later sexy" he said in a suggestive tone. And off he was, leaving behind him the love struck Cameron with a cashier-cat grin on her face.

_xxxxxxxxx_

"House?!" Wilson ran over to his passed out friend who was lying flat on his face in his office "House are you okay?" his heart was beating fast with worry, more worry than he'd care to admit too.

"I am the sex…" House mumbled for some unknown reason as Wilson turned him over.

_That you are_ Wilson thought blushing at his own thoughts. "come on, lets get you up you dope, too many pills again?". He helped his friend up and onto the armchair.

"There is no such thing as to many pills!" House scuffed still woozy.

"Of course there are! You should know!" Wilson started his newest House-lecture placing his hands on his waist in his usual I-am-Superman way.

"And you should know polygamy is a crime" House retorted.

Wilson stared him down.

"But we all know you cheat on your wife just to show that you don't secretly lust me. So I'll forgive ya."

"No I don't! I love my wife!" Wilson almost yelled.

"Just keep telling yourself that" House got up, "You know, your tie is super sexy. Gimme it!" He stretched out his hand.

"If you say I don't love you!" Wilson began untying his tie.

"Never said anything about love" House smirked and grabbed Wilson's tie with another one of those miraculous maneuvers speeding out of the room quickly while tying the tie around his head.


	3. Who do I do?

As high as kite, as woozy as a drunk our beloved Doctor trotted over to the nurse's station; Cuddy's bra now strapped on him, Wilson's tie around his head.

Spotting the normally un-significant (yet fic' writer loved) Nurse Brenda he waved over clumsily and walked, or shall I say waddled over to her.

"Is drag your new thing?" the Nurse sighed. "Wait, don't tell me, you are high." She wasn't asking' rather stating the very obvious fact as House grinned at her sheepishly.

"As always!"She shook her head in expected disapproval.

"You know I usually swat people on the head with my cane when they say they are high on life, but I think I might just be"

"You?" she smirked, "you have no life!"

"You couldn't be wronger!" he chuckled, "wronger! That's not even a word!" he began an un-characteristic fit of giggles.

"You see," he continued "I have 3 people waiting to jump my bones, four if you want to jump on the band-wagon".

"I don't swing your way" she answered with disregard.

"Honey, everyone swings my way. Ask Wilson. Or TVGuide"

She smiled for the first time since they started talking "you make a strong point. Anyway, what are you doing here?" she asked, remembering there was no reason for him to be in this part of town (town is the hospital in case you are a bit thick and don't follow or maybe Im just not that clear. Where was I? oh yes…)

"I need your insignificant character's help. Here it comes, it's a big one! You ready?" here he paused for dramatic affect "who do I do?"

Now she was interested as any gossip-y nurse would be. "what are you options? Or shall I say who?"

"Like duh, Cuddy, Cameron and Wilson. And there is Chase who's really pretty."

"Well," she mulled for a second "they are all really hot. Especially Cuddy"

House ignored that slightly disturbing comment. – Cue one of House's super dramatic epiphany moments – "Maybe I should do them all" he grinned.

"Now that's a way of thinking" she joined his mischievous thought.

"Im House, I could totally pull it off!" he puffed his oh-so-sexy chest.

"Definitely" she mumbled, "wait 'til everyone hears about this!" and with that hot piece of gossip she disappeared.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nothing stops our man when he's on a mission, now does it?

You excited? Because I am; especially when I have no clue what Im writing next!!


End file.
